Victims. Outcasts. Enablers. Co-conspirators
(This article is an abridged version of Scapegoating. Spiritual Abuse in Churches part 2 by Rev Andy Little, which includes full quotes and attribution of sources)
In an unhealthy church, each member plays a role and is, to some extent complicit in the abusive system. While the Pastor or leader may display characteristics consistent with Narcissistic Personality Disorder, the system would not exist without these other players:
Victims: Compliant people who openly support the abusive leader that they perceive as having integrity. In order to be valued by the system, the unassuming victims sacrifice their need to be significant and place total trust in the leader. Those in power assume their blind allegiance because the victims lose themselves in the family or organization. The majority who leave come from this group.
Victims need to belong to something larger than themselves, and their fears of rejection and abandonment compel them to be exploited members of something rather than loners and part of nothing. When and if the toxic faith system is exposed, however, victims must bear the feelings of being used to satisfy the sinful desires of those in authority. Just as in the adage, “The witness of violence is a victim of violence”, victims may reach a point where they can no longer reconcile the unhealthy practices of the church leadership with their own injured faith. Spiritually, victims may suffer abandonment, loss, loneliness and isolation from the church. Since they have been “driven out of the garden where God is experienced” victims may become spiritually homeless, or even devoid of faith, due to the violation of their system of belief.
Outcasts: Of the five roles in the toxic faith system, only one is not a religious addict or a possessor of toxic faith. In the toxic system there is usually someone who can see the problem and confront it. Unwilling to play the games of the persecutors and co-conspirators, the person becomes an outcast.
Some members, usually with significant functions in the church, become aware of the brokenness of the system, but when they voice disapproval they are castigated as troublemakers and treated as pariahs. Within this system, loyalty is inseparable from blind faith and absolute agreement with the abusive leader. Either someone is one hundred percent with the leader, or one hundred percent against him or her. These people then become targets of scapegoating, slurs and even slander in an attempt to defend the system. Many leave the church, but some are able to process their pain and anger resulting from the attacks, envision a better future for the church and themselves, and remain – albeit in the role of outcasts. Outcasts see the system for what it is and, as “lone voices in the wilderness”, pray for and/or promote change. They love God and want to protect His people and His church from willful abuse. The price paid, however, is being ostracized from the church, friends and, sometimes, jobs.
Enablers: participate in victimization, although by taking a relatively passive role. The enablers lose themselves in the life of the abusive leader, but the more they invest the more they resent their role. As the enablers continue to lose self worth, they hang on to their roles rather than break free. As long as the enabler remains convinced there is no hope to change, the toxic system will continue in denial and hypocrisy. Enablers rationalize their role in supporting wrongdoing out of a need to be submissive, and delude themselves that they are being simply obedient and loyal.
Even when confronted with the symptoms of the unhealthy system, the fearful enabler continues to allow the problem to grow until someone else takes care of it. Despite resenting their role, enablers are the most likely to begin the process of scapegoating, due to their need to maintain the peace found in the status quo. The system coerces the enablers to stay in the supportive role – whatever the price. Other participants of wrongdoing generally convince the enablers that the abusive leader is being persecuted, thereby calling on the enablers’ tendency to assist the helpless or underdog. Most often they are manipulated into allegiance, rather than threatened into compliance.
Co-conspirators: manipulate, plot and plan to keep the abusive leader in power and position. In an errant church the leader and co-conspirators form a cohesive unit, with the latter feeding the leader’s ego and further blinding him or her from reality, thus allowing the continuation of delusional behavior. The co-conspirators take an active role in the victimization of others. Their motivation is in receiving adulation from the abusive leader when they have defended him or her, and their sense of importance comes from seeing themselves as the caretakers of the entire system. If it means that lies and distortions must be propagated to retain the leader in that ministry, lies and distortions will be devised.
The following is an abbreviated list of characteristics of the co-conspirator:
Ultimate team player; shows total dedication to, and support of, persecutor
Feeds persecutor’s ego
Addicted to power granted by persecutor
Willingly deceives to maintain persecutor’s power, rewarded for willingness to distort the truth
Ties personal feelings of value to another instead of God
Protects sense of self-worth by protecting the persecutor
Appears unassuming and grateful to be #2 in the structure
Is sincerely deluded
Lacks the strong charisma and leadership abilities of persecutor
Feels extremely inadequate
Is viewed by outsiders as trustworthy, conscientious, competent, mature, and reliable
Victims need to belong to something larger than themselves, and their fears of rejection and abandonment compel them to be exploited members of something rather than loners and part of nothing. When and if the toxic faith system is exposed, however, victims must bear the feelings of being used to satisfy the sinful desires of those in authority. Just as in the adage, “The witness of violence is a victim of violence”, victims may reach a point where they can no longer reconcile the unhealthy practices of the church leadership with their own injured faith. Spiritually, victims may suffer abandonment, loss, loneliness and isolation from the church. Since they have been “driven out of the garden where God is experienced” victims may become spiritually homeless, or even devoid of faith, due to the violation of their system of belief.
Outcasts: Of the five roles in the toxic faith system, only one is not a religious addict or a possessor of toxic faith. In the toxic system there is usually someone who can see the problem and confront it. Unwilling to play the games of the persecutors and co-conspirators, the person becomes an outcast.
Some members, usually with significant functions in the church, become aware of the brokenness of the system, but when they voice disapproval they are castigated as troublemakers and treated as pariahs. Within this system, loyalty is inseparable from blind faith and absolute agreement with the abusive leader. Either someone is one hundred percent with the leader, or one hundred percent against him or her. These people then become targets of scapegoating, slurs and even slander in an attempt to defend the system. Many leave the church, but some are able to process their pain and anger resulting from the attacks, envision a better future for the church and themselves, and remain – albeit in the role of outcasts. Outcasts see the system for what it is and, as “lone voices in the wilderness”, pray for and/or promote change. They love God and want to protect His people and His church from willful abuse. The price paid, however, is being ostracized from the church, friends and, sometimes, jobs.
Enablers: participate in victimization, although by taking a relatively passive role. The enablers lose themselves in the life of the abusive leader, but the more they invest the more they resent their role. As the enablers continue to lose self worth, they hang on to their roles rather than break free. As long as the enabler remains convinced there is no hope to change, the toxic system will continue in denial and hypocrisy. Enablers rationalize their role in supporting wrongdoing out of a need to be submissive, and delude themselves that they are being simply obedient and loyal.
Even when confronted with the symptoms of the unhealthy system, the fearful enabler continues to allow the problem to grow until someone else takes care of it. Despite resenting their role, enablers are the most likely to begin the process of scapegoating, due to their need to maintain the peace found in the status quo. The system coerces the enablers to stay in the supportive role – whatever the price. Other participants of wrongdoing generally convince the enablers that the abusive leader is being persecuted, thereby calling on the enablers’ tendency to assist the helpless or underdog. Most often they are manipulated into allegiance, rather than threatened into compliance.
Co-conspirators: manipulate, plot and plan to keep the abusive leader in power and position. In an errant church the leader and co-conspirators form a cohesive unit, with the latter feeding the leader’s ego and further blinding him or her from reality, thus allowing the continuation of delusional behavior. The co-conspirators take an active role in the victimization of others. Their motivation is in receiving adulation from the abusive leader when they have defended him or her, and their sense of importance comes from seeing themselves as the caretakers of the entire system. If it means that lies and distortions must be propagated to retain the leader in that ministry, lies and distortions will be devised.
The following is an abbreviated list of characteristics of the co-conspirator:
Ultimate team player; shows total dedication to, and support of, persecutor
Feeds persecutor’s ego
Addicted to power granted by persecutor
Willingly deceives to maintain persecutor’s power, rewarded for willingness to distort the truth
Ties personal feelings of value to another instead of God
Protects sense of self-worth by protecting the persecutor
Appears unassuming and grateful to be #2 in the structure
Is sincerely deluded
Lacks the strong charisma and leadership abilities of persecutor
Feels extremely inadequate
Is viewed by outsiders as trustworthy, conscientious, competent, mature, and reliable
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