Silence - The Law of Love

Those who buy into a cult-like ideology often do so because, at least at surface level, that ideology appears to champion intense 'brotherly love' among its members.

The formulation of that 'Law of Love' seems, at first glance, to reflect very noble, worthy 'Christ-like' aspirations.

The Bruderhof community (in similar vein to other high-demand christian groups) words their 'First Law of Love' like this:

"There is no law but love. Love is joy in others. What, then, is anger at them? Words of love convey the joy we have in the presence of our brothers and sister. It is out of the question to speak about another person in a spirit of irritation or vexation.

There must never be talk, either in open remarks or by insinuation, against any brother or sister, or against their individual characteristics and under no circumstances behind their back. Gossiping in one's family is no exception. Without this rule of silence there can be no loyalty and hence no community. Direct address is the only way possible. It is a service we owe anyone whose weaknesses cause a negative reaction in us.

An honest word spoken openly and directly deepens friendship and will not be resented. Only when two people do not come to an agreement quickly is it necessary to draw in a third person whom both of them trust. In this way they can be led to a solution that unites them in the highest and deepest levels."

Barnabas Johnson, expelled from the Bruderhof at age 14, explains the problems and dangers of such high-sounding sentiments thus:

"...This rule which on its face seems benign, indeed commendable, supported an increasingly unaccountable leadership which, starting in the late 1950s, was becoming what many ex-members believe it has now become: an abusive dictatorship.

During my childhood, I learned that our no-gossip rule meant the following: If I had a criticism of somebody, I should bring the matter to that person's attention, one-on-one, rather than discussing it with others. Discussing problems "behind the back" of the person(s) one was criticizing was considered highly improper. Only when "direct address" failed was it proper (indeed necessary) for the disputants to bring in a "third party" to help resolve matters.

The main problem with this rule is that it is the "First Law" … yet there is no Second, let alone Third, thereby allowing a harmonic convergence of "balanced rules" which recognize that sometimes it is good, indeed essential, for members to pool their observations and insights - to "gossip" - especially about their leaders: to determine whether, and if so when and how, to speak truth to power, powerfully, and thereby to confront arrogant and erring leaders effectively...

The "gossip" (godsyb) was in ancient times a "god-relative" who bore a special responsibility towards his or her "syb"; this responsibility was apparently taken on voluntarily, gossips being "sponsors" and helpers … as needed. Apparently, unlike god-parents, god-siblings were drawn from ones age group and gender; they were sand-pit play-mates; they were best buddies, true friends (friends in need, the best indeed). Thus, if the village was awakened night after night because Joseph and Mary were screaming at each other, their friends and neighbors and gossips would naturally discuss this troubling fact, trying to figure out whether, and if so when and how, to help Joseph and Mary resolve their problems and thereby restore the peace of the night.

True, Henry might (without consulting others) call Joseph aside for a little chat, one-on-one, and that course (a) might be good, and (b) would accord with the Bruderhof's First Law. But, on the other hand, Henry and Tom might discuss the problem together first, and then discuss it with their wives, and then ask James and his sister for their input, before all decide to invite Mary and Joseph over for beer and a neighborly talk tonight, and (arguably, given the value of neighborly consultations, otherwise called "gossip") that course (a) might be even better, but (b) would violate the Bruderhof's First Law. Life is complicated, human relationships are deeply textured, and "talking behind the back" can constitute a conspiracy against but can also constitute a cooperation for … in this case, for the health of the village, which depends on Joseph and Mary to pull their weight, etc., and also depends on everybody getting a good night's rest.

Put differently, there is good gossip and bad gossip, just as there is good cooperation and bad cooperation. Wisdom lies in balanced judgment, in the wise equipoise of "love" and "law" and other precious values. In the Bruderhof, however, "love" and "law" are seen as Manichean opposites: never the twain shall meet, let alone intertwine. As a consequence, the "loving way" is decreed by a leader who is not bounded by the "lawful way"; he is theologically and factually unaccountable (except to "God" as he interprets same), and this leader can therefore dispense unequal justice, unchecked whim, and sheer favoritism, as the spirit (he would say "Spirit") moves him. This is dysfunctional.

The Elder is apparently empowered to expel any member for good cause, bad cause, or no cause. As members have no private property, no savings, no resumes, no references, and often no knowledge of the "outside world" (as members call it), they are reluctant to criticize the Elder one-on-one because, face it, he always wins such face-offs. Yet if two or three gather together to discuss their errant Elder, and then perhaps discuss and strategize with another ten or even hundreds before confronting the Maximum Leader, what can happen? He can cut off the first speaker in mid-sentence and toss him out for having violated the First Law! There is no Second Law. Is there a second speaker? "

In Barnabas' view, the 'first law' was increasingly "focused on averting crises or, more precisely, protecting the dictatorship from successful challenges."

Full article: The First Law of Sannerz by Barnabas Johnson

The 'first law of love', or some wording of it, is often used extremely effectively in cult-like groups to shut down any attempt at whistleblowing.

The recent sex abuse scandal among the Jehovah's Witnesses demonstrates how well this can work, especially when combined with the 'two witnesses' rule:

"Do not entertain an accusation against an elder unless it is brought by two or three witnesses." 1 Tim 5:19

In many cases of abuse, there is only one witness!

And the victim is coerced  into remaining silent, on grounds of breaking 'God-given' instructions which supposedly entail the 'First Law of Love' and its anti-gossip rule.

Healthy communities do not operate under such high sounding, but false ideals.