There's a common set of characteristics among those who lead dysfunctional communities.
In a church setting, some of those characteristics can be quite well hidden, or even given a positive 'spiritual spin'
Watch out if you recognize more than a few:
Grandiosity: This entails having a superior view of oneself, together with disdain for others.
In the church setting, it is not uncommon for the leader to promote his own superior access to wisdom, insight and the very voice of God, while speaking disparagingly of other churches, organizations and leaders. If not his superior spirituality, he may proclaim his uncommon education or his deep learning and understanding of scripture.
He may fantasize about the church's (and therefore his) success. He may preach that God will enlarge the congregation to thousands, or that it's influence in the town or even nationally will be far more significant than is realistic.
He is likely to view himself and be viewed as a 'man above men'. Somehow greater, stronger, more compassionate, more radical. He appears unthreatened, unintimidated, wiser than most, and carries a huge capacity to draw others under his wing. Entering a room, he changes it, becoming the charismatic focal point in the conversation. He may entertain with 'larger-than-life' stories about himself from the past.
Consequently, his followers are likely to view themselves as a 'cut above the rest'. The church may believe it has more 'liberty in the Spirit'. Perhaps it prides itself on an unconventional worship style. Perhaps its works of service to the community are perceived to be more effectively run, more 'spirit led'. It may pride itself on the apparent commitment of members to each other, or its radical commitment of obedience to the Pastor's interpretation of Scripture. In everything the church does, there is a corporate view that 'we do it best'.
Because it is a church setting, that superiority may not be often voiced. It is often subconsciously assimilated. There is a danger that such grandiosity will be seen for what it is - mere pride. Talking about it too often would give the game away.
One effective strategy to conceal the sense of superiority is for the Pastor to declare that he is (among other firsts) 'the chief of sinners', accompanied by confession of a range of intangible, 'spiritual' failings (never specific faults). Such 'humility', of course, deflects any from raising concerns - the poor man is tortured enough already with his own sin for others to add the pain with their own petty concerns.
Paranoia: Dysfunctional communities are often characterized by paranoia. In the leader, it is often expressed in an unwarranted fear that others are rising up to overthrow him. He can develop a persecution complex. He rallies the support of the faithful against those who wish to 'accuse' him and even legitimate concerns are labelled persecution and divisive criticism.
In turn, the congregation becomes fearful of any opposing voice, either within its ranks or outside them, which it considers to be a manifestation of a bad spirit. They begin to self-censor and withdraw from others, fearful (and taught) that they might get 'infected'.
Haughty, arrogant behaviours are common. He may appear to relish having spoken the 'incisive prophetic' word to other leaders when, in fact, it is possible that he has merely exercised a highly critical, harsh and unfounded judgement. His comments and behaviour towards others can be belittling and humiliating, especially if they don't see eye-to-eye. His response to criticism is most likely to be one of damning contempt, with a good dose of (scripturally based) name-calling thrown in.
Inability to take blame: The leader on his way to establishing a cult-like community will rarely be found to be taking blame. Or if he does so, he will unrealistically 'accept' blame far beyond the misdemeanour in hand. He is extremely sensitive, although presents a strong exterior. He is likely to rage at criticism, even if his rage is, at first silent. He may preach forgiveness, but it will not quash the internal turmoil he experiences - and it will eventually come out in accusations of rebellion, a critical spirit, and taking sides with the Devil. His punishment of those who have thus 'persecuted' him is harsh, while he continues to preach mercy and grace.
His sense of self is derived from the reflection he gets back from others: Such a leader needs others to affirm the image he wants to present of himself, hence his difficulty in living and working with those around him who exercise a healthy sense of independence and autonomy and do not reflect his image back to him. Not only that, he will also assume in others the negative traits he sees in himself. He will deny that others are not like him and that they do not react or behave in the way he does. He projects his own 'sins' and weaknesses onto them. Others must worship God in the same way he does - or they are not worshiping properly.
In a church, followers are consequently channeled into a uniformity of thought and action, which is sometimes mistaken for unity. 'Being of one mind' often means that of the Pastor. Independent thinking is taken to be a manifestation of pride.
He is interpersonally exploitative and manipulative: Common tricks to recruit or maintain followers include 'love-bombing'. This can be especially evident with new visitors, who are showered with gifts and attention. Consequently, they are led to believe that he - and the church, expresses a uncommon love and commitment to one another. Flattery is often employed. He may use the 'gift of prophecy' to tell a follower that God will use him and his gifts in powerful, far-reaching, world-changing ways. He will promote those who 'read his heart', but increasingly sideline and exclude those who appear to see things a little differently, or offer a different perspective. He may ask for commitments from members that are inappropriate in time or cost, thus betraying, perhaps, a sense of entitlement. In order to isolate a 'dangerous' member, he may employ subtle suggestion, privately or in preaching, to persuade others to distance themselves.
The characteristics above are common, to a great extent, in all leaders in all cult-like communities. It is often noted that such leaders appear to have read the same 'manual' of people management, so similar is their behaviour.
Those who demonstrate these qualities are often diagnosed by psychologists as having 'Narcissistic Personality Disorder' - the one disorder which is not recognized by those who have it, but often necessitates the healing of those who have been drawn into the vicinity of it but now recognize the need to question, or ultimately, to pull away.
If these characteristics seem familiar to you, the following options could be considered:
Paranoia: Dysfunctional communities are often characterized by paranoia. In the leader, it is often expressed in an unwarranted fear that others are rising up to overthrow him. He can develop a persecution complex. He rallies the support of the faithful against those who wish to 'accuse' him and even legitimate concerns are labelled persecution and divisive criticism.
In turn, the congregation becomes fearful of any opposing voice, either within its ranks or outside them, which it considers to be a manifestation of a bad spirit. They begin to self-censor and withdraw from others, fearful (and taught) that they might get 'infected'.
Haughty, arrogant behaviours are common. He may appear to relish having spoken the 'incisive prophetic' word to other leaders when, in fact, it is possible that he has merely exercised a highly critical, harsh and unfounded judgement. His comments and behaviour towards others can be belittling and humiliating, especially if they don't see eye-to-eye. His response to criticism is most likely to be one of damning contempt, with a good dose of (scripturally based) name-calling thrown in.
Inability to take blame: The leader on his way to establishing a cult-like community will rarely be found to be taking blame. Or if he does so, he will unrealistically 'accept' blame far beyond the misdemeanour in hand. He is extremely sensitive, although presents a strong exterior. He is likely to rage at criticism, even if his rage is, at first silent. He may preach forgiveness, but it will not quash the internal turmoil he experiences - and it will eventually come out in accusations of rebellion, a critical spirit, and taking sides with the Devil. His punishment of those who have thus 'persecuted' him is harsh, while he continues to preach mercy and grace.
His sense of self is derived from the reflection he gets back from others: Such a leader needs others to affirm the image he wants to present of himself, hence his difficulty in living and working with those around him who exercise a healthy sense of independence and autonomy and do not reflect his image back to him. Not only that, he will also assume in others the negative traits he sees in himself. He will deny that others are not like him and that they do not react or behave in the way he does. He projects his own 'sins' and weaknesses onto them. Others must worship God in the same way he does - or they are not worshiping properly.
In a church, followers are consequently channeled into a uniformity of thought and action, which is sometimes mistaken for unity. 'Being of one mind' often means that of the Pastor. Independent thinking is taken to be a manifestation of pride.
He is interpersonally exploitative and manipulative: Common tricks to recruit or maintain followers include 'love-bombing'. This can be especially evident with new visitors, who are showered with gifts and attention. Consequently, they are led to believe that he - and the church, expresses a uncommon love and commitment to one another. Flattery is often employed. He may use the 'gift of prophecy' to tell a follower that God will use him and his gifts in powerful, far-reaching, world-changing ways. He will promote those who 'read his heart', but increasingly sideline and exclude those who appear to see things a little differently, or offer a different perspective. He may ask for commitments from members that are inappropriate in time or cost, thus betraying, perhaps, a sense of entitlement. In order to isolate a 'dangerous' member, he may employ subtle suggestion, privately or in preaching, to persuade others to distance themselves.
The characteristics above are common, to a great extent, in all leaders in all cult-like communities. It is often noted that such leaders appear to have read the same 'manual' of people management, so similar is their behaviour.
Those who demonstrate these qualities are often diagnosed by psychologists as having 'Narcissistic Personality Disorder' - the one disorder which is not recognized by those who have it, but often necessitates the healing of those who have been drawn into the vicinity of it but now recognize the need to question, or ultimately, to pull away.
If these characteristics seem familiar to you, the following options could be considered:
1) Remain and comply. Relinquish your independent thought and vow never to question. You are likely to be favoured, rewarded and given much attention.
2) Leave silently. You will be falsely accused and your name smeared. You will have no opportunity to defend yourself. You will be shunned.
3) Stay, but raise objections. You will be considered a messenger of the Devil and will either be covertly pressured into leaving or excommunicated. You will be shunned
4) Choose a middle ground of half-hearted, insincere commitment in order to appease and, to some extent, live an independent life. You may get away with this if other historical factors in your relationship cause him to be lenient towards you. Some can 'get away with murder'.
None of the options are particularly palatable.
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